Fire Hazard
by Christian Maulkner
Summary: They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. So when Penny and Jaune's four-year anniversary rolls around, the android tries to cook a special meal for her one and only love. Well... 'tries to.'


**A/N: Well, it's certainly been a while.**

**At first, this was just a sort of 'practice file,' where I just practice my writing and stuff. Then the idea grew, and eventually became into this.**

**Also, I… don't know how to cook anything other than very basic dishes. So I may have gotten some things wrong here, though I did try to research as best as I could so that it could at least be somewhat believable. But who knows? Maybe I've just researched wrongly and those who do know how to cook want to rip me a new one.**

**In which case, sorry!**

**And regarding Salem's Servant, my other story. I'm considering rewriting the entire thing. Looking back, the original version of the story I've had in my head was just… completely awful. Headache-inducing.**

**So I've been thinking of going back to the drawing board and rewriting the entire plot. Characters would still be the same, though most of them would have some changes in their personality and goals (most especially with Salem and Jaune).**

**I've also been thinking of trashing the whole 'servant and cruel mistress' plot as I just couldn't find a way to make their relationship work without making it feel forced. Instead, I'm going for a more Beauty and the Beast type of plot, where a normal Jaune simply gets trapped in Salem's manor and decides to help her conquer her inner demons.**

**Though I don't know, what do you guys think? Yay or nay?**

**Anyway, I won't keep you here any longer. Hope you enjoy this one-shot.**

* * *

Fire Hazard – A RWBY Fanfiction by Christian Maulkner

* * *

Dusk was just around the corner. Outside the window, the sun descended into the horizon behind a multitude of buildings, the last of today's sunshine taking on a warm, orange hue. Stars gradually made their appearance, dotting the darkening sky. Everywhere, windows began lighting up as people filled the streets below with honking and bustling, either eager to escape another week of work or simply because they couldn't wait to see who waited for them at home once again.

A soft smile lifted Penny's lips. If she ever worked one of those 'nine-to-five' jobs Jaune occasionally mentioned, then she was one-hundred percent certain her reason for her rush home would be the latter.

The android brought her attention away from the window and back to the show in front of her, which played from the holographic TV they had bought a little over two weeks ago. It was a cartoon show both Jaune and her old friend Ruby had recommended she watched a month or two ago called 'X-ray and Vav.' Apparently, it was an adaptation of a comic book series they absolutely loved, and that the studio who worked on it did a wonderful job adapting it into a cartoon show.

She had never read the comics before, having had no time back then, but after watching a few episodes of the show, she was instantly hooked. The world, the characters, the action; it was all so good and interesting! This show could easily make it to her top favorites. She sometimes wondered how she hadn't gotten into this show sooner if it was this good.

Heck, she even contemplated getting into the comics as well, but time wasn't as kind to her in that department. And last she remembered, Jaune donated all his comic books to an orphanage, including his old X-ray and Vav ones.

Sounds of futuristic battles and scientific, long-winded monologues continued to play from the holographic display as Penny watched with undivided attention, occasionally cheering on the heroes as she bounced in her seat. It was only fifteen minutes later when the sound of a door opening sounded behind her. As the current episode ended, Penny paused and looked over the couch.

Upon seeing who it was, her face split into a wide grin.

Jaune emerged from their bedroom and into the short hallway across her, seemingly struggling to squeeze an arm into his coat. His blonde hair was as moppy as ever, though he had gotten a haircut not too long ago, making it a bit shorter than usual. His jawline was emphasized by the stubble he had grown (one that looked great on him), and although they've gotten a bit older, his azure eyes were still as vibrant as ever.

"Man, I really need to get a new coat. I feel like the seams of this one are going the burst the next time I wear it..." Jaune muttered as he approached the couch. After finally getting the coat on, his eyes looked to her. "Well, I'll be heading out now. I'm going to have to hurry if I want to catch the next bullhead."

"Why are you visiting Ren again?" Penny asked.

"Apparently, Nora broke their bed again…" He said, then strangely averted his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck. "And his back… and another, um… 'body part'… And I think she also ripped out some of his hair, as well."

Penny inwardly winced. Again? She was honestly surprised that Ren even survived the first time. This one sounded like they were going all out this time with the hair-ripping. And if she recalled correctly, getting your hair ripped out was _not_ an okay experience. Those Nevermores and their talons…

Though it still boggled her why they needed a bed to _spar_ with each other. Hunters usually don't fight on beds, nor do they fight in bedrooms at all. Hmm… Perhaps it was just their way of sparring, she guessed.

"When will you be back?"

He grabbed his scarf from a nearby coat rack and wrapped it around his neck. "Oh, I hopefully won't be long. Probably an hour or so, I don't know. After all, I just have to take a bullhead and get to the jeweee—I mean, take a bullhead and get to their house and take Ren to the emergency room! Yeah! Th-That's… That's… That's what I meant." He coughed. "Yeah."

Penny found his sudden stutter a bit strange but decided to turn a blind eye. That was probably just a lingering remnant of his old clumsiness from back then. She couldn't blame him.

So instead, she said, "Well, you better come back as soon as possible. I don't want to watch X-ray and Vav all by myself for the next three or so hours."

Jaune approached the couch as he chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't leave you here for long, especially when X-ray and Vav's on. Heck, I'm _worried_ about leaving you here."

She tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Well…" He looked off to the side. "The last time I left you alone, I found one of the lamps from our bedroom out on the street outside, along with one of the windows shattered, all because of a spider."

Oh… that time… Her cheeks flushed as her drives recalled the events, and she too averted her gaze.

Spiders weren't such nice little creatures as she had thought – she had to learn that through experience.

The android quickly dispelled any images of those evil little things with a shake of her head. She then turned back to the blonde with confidence. "Don't worry, Jaune. I can assure you that I'll be completely fine. If I see any spider crawling along our walls..." She pounded a fist upon her palm. "I'll crush them and show them no mercy!"

The blonde let out an amused huff. "Yeah, just… try not to destroy anything when you do that." He then glanced at a nearby wall clock. "Anyway, I really have to go. I promise I'll be back as soon as I can!"

After grabbing a set of keys from the wall hook and doing a quick pat-down on his pockets, Jaune pulled the door open and left the apartment, the automatic lock clicking into place once he shut the door. Muted steps quickly faded, and all that was left now were the distant sounds of the outside.

Penny watched the door. She sat as still as her robotic body could allow, her ears listening in for any signs of an unexpected return as she counted down each passing second. It was something to expect – Jaune often forgot a few things whenever they went out, like his scroll or his wallet.

But it seemed like this time was an exception, as the countdown in her head only continued to decrease.

_Five, four, three, two… one!_ Penny immediately hopped off the couch and turned the TV off, rushing her way towards the kitchen. It was a fairly-sized, open area, located in the corner of the apartment a few steps away from the living room. A wide, wood-topped island stood in the middle of the kitchen, and by the walls were several wooden cupboards and drawers, along with the typical stove, oven, fridge and sink.

With swift hands, Penny grabbed one of the aprons and a chef's hat from a wall rack and put them on. The hat was the easy part, replacing her usual pink bow, but putting on the apron took a little bit of effort, as she couldn't quite get the knot right. But eventually, she managed to tie the laces up and finally put the apron on.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, she looked over herself.

She grinned.

_Jaune, I am going to surprise you with the best meal you have ever tasted!_

And surprise, she would, for tonight was a very special night for the both of them: the night that declared their four year anniversary! The very night when their friendship had bloomed into something more, and a night that she would cherish and remember for all her artificial life.

She could barely hold her excitement. Four years! Four years, could you believe that? Because she certainly couldn't! It had felt like only a year for her, or to be more specific, one year, three months, four days and one hour for her. But four years! Four! That was a lot of years for a couple to be together for!

Penny let out a sentimental sigh. She could still remember the day she had met Jaune way back in Beacon. She didn't know the full details of how, but after hearing about some extremely suspicious activity, General Ironwood had upped the security around Beacon, sending her along with several other soldiers to the school.

And it was during the school dance when Penny had first met Jaune, who had been investigating the CCT Tower alongside Ruby. They later found that one of the students had broken in and attempted to implant a virus into the system. But after some blade-slashing and gun-firing, the trio had quickly stopped and apprehended the culprit just as security arrived. It caused quite a hysteria during the dance, and school staff and security quickly found that the culprit's 'teammates' were also involved in the break-in. All three were immediately thrown in jail.

After the whole debacle, Penny quickly found a friend in Jaune. They had quite a few in common. They had been both weird, socially unaware and awkward (though Jaune wasn't to the same degree as her), they cherished their friends and the ones they loved, and she even found his desire to save and protect people uplifting and inspiring.

She found herself wanting to spend time with him more, whether it be wanting to converse or simply follow him around. And over time, the desire grew more and more. Jaune also seemed to have had that desire as well, as he would often welcome her presence with open arms, and when she wasn't there, he would actively _look _for her for the sole purpose of just wanting to hang out. Looking back, it still warmed her robotic heart.

Their friendship gradually grew and grew, and it had only been a matter of time before love and romance eventually bloomed between them, and they took their newfound relationship to the next step.

She could still remember Jaune's messy and stutter-filled confession, and the way his face looked like it was going to catch fire at any moment. Penny had (non-jokingly) wanted to call the fire department all throughout.

Well, not that Penny fared any better. She had to get her cooling system and processors repaired and replaced after that whole event.

Fast forward some time and here they were now. After Jaune had graduated from Beacon and the two had gotten jobs as hunters, they had decided to get a little apartment home in Atlas.

"_It isn't much,_" he had said. But to her, it was way more than enough. She had spent most of her life within the sterile white walls of laboratories and testing facilities, so a small apartment in the kingdom where the walls _weren't_ a blinding white was a nice change for her.

And as long as Jaune was always there with her, it always would be.

And now, she was going to make him the most special meal Remnant has ever seen! For the past three anniversaries, it had always been Jaune who treated her, whether it be taking her to a very fancy restaurant or one of those carnivals. But this year, _she _was going to be one to treat him!

Sure, he may have stated numerous times that he was okay with it, but she felt a bit ashamed that she couldn't do anything for him in all those anniversaries.

And tonight, she was going to change that.

The first step had been to find something she could do for him. Carnivals were out of the question as there weren't any set up around Atlas right now. Fancy restaurants were also crossed out, considering most of them (at least from what she knew) needed her to call in for a reservation. That needed some time, and she didn't have a lot of time in her hands.

But eventually, after some hard thought and pacing in circles in their bathroom, she finally thought of one thing that she could do: cooking a meal! It didn't demand much in terms of finances and time, and it also seemed to be a 'go-to' for anniversaries, judging by the numerous articles on Scroogle.

It was perfect! Oh, she could already imagine Jaune's face when he gets a taste of her love-filled cooking!

Smiling at the lovable blonde in her head, the android began gathering the things she needed. She moved about the kitchen, opening drawers and cupboards and fishing out all sorts of cooking equipment, such as pans, pots and other silverware. Some of the ones in the higher cupboards were a bit too high for her to reach (she wasn't short; she was of completely average human height!), but a step on a stool and she was able to get them down as well.

After gathering up the last of the kitchen equipment from a drawer, Penny made her way to the island, clinks and clanks sounding as she dropped the last batch off. She took a step back and smiled triumphantly, all sorts of kitchenware and ingredients neatly spread out across the kitchen island.

Penny dusted her hands off. "Exceptional! Now, it's time to get cooking!"

Approaching the island, the android eyed it for a moment before picking up a couple of teaspoons, dropping them into a bowl. She then fished out a... something... She didn't know what it was, the wire loops attached to a handle alien to her. But it seemed to be important, so she dropped that into the bowl as well.

Penny continued picking up random kitchenware, anything that she thought looked crucial to what she planned to do. After a couple of minutes, she walked over to the wall counter and placed the now equipment-filled bowl by the sink.

Placing her hands on her hips, the android shifted her eyes between the island and the bowl, then again, and again, and again... and...

Wait... Her processors hummed and whirred as she continued shifting her eyes.

Then, she stopped and blinked.

_Uh, how do I cook a meal?_

The realization that she had no idea how hit her like a speeding bullhead. No matter how deep Penny dug into her hard drive's memory, she found almost nothing relating to cooking. The only semblance of it was a long time ago when she walked in on Professor Polendina cooking... something. But other than that, she drew nothing but four-oh-fours.

_ This is going much harder than I anticipated... _Penny thought as she stroked her chin. _What do I do...?_

She could ask one of her old friends to help her. Last she remembered, Ruby had experience in cooking. Ren did too, and so did Professor Polendina. But she was skeptical on the matter. She was somewhat sure Ruby would mind randomly teaching her the intricacies of cooking, especially at this hour. She couldn't ask Ren since Jaune was out helping him, and she was certain Professor Polendina was busy working on a project of his. He was always such a night owl.

_Hmm... _ Penny paced in circles around the kitchen for a few minutes as her processors did their work. A number of thoughts and ideas ran through her head, but eventually, an idea popped up.

She snapped her metallic fingers. "ScrollNet!"

Penny quickly made her way to their bedroom. A moment later, she emerged from the room, a lapscroll in her arm. She entered the kitchen once more, placing the lapscroll on a wall counter. The device's holographic logo displayed as whirred to life.

"ScrollNet, you have helped me once before. Now, you shall help me again!"

Once the device booted up, Penny opened up Dome and began typing into the search bar. "How... to... cook... for... an... anniversary..." A jingle sounded. "Ooh! _An anniversary recipe that will surely please your other half!_ Why, yes please!"

With a click of the link, the website popped and loaded in, the site's pastel design colorful and eye-catching. Penny ignored the temptation to click on the numerous ads and sate her curiosity and scrolled down, instantly finding the recipe she was looking for.

"_Heart-shaped Chocolate Cake of Never Ending Love. If you're significant other loves chocolate and cake, so much so that it can be deemed dangerous and you might need to call a mental asylum, then this recipe will surely make them go insane! Just follow the steps below, and you'll be on your way to make your other half even crazier for you..._"

Penny continued reading on, nodding and humming in thought along the way. This recipe seemed doable. If she read and remembered correctly, she had more than enough of the ingredients needed for the cake right here. The overall time needed to make it was only about an hour and a half as well – enough time before Jaune got back. And it also gave her some instructions to follow too, which should ensure she wouldn't muck the cake up somehow.

After all, how could you muck something up when the instructions were right there in front of you?

After reading through the recipe twice more, Penny finally began making the cake. The first step was, of course, to prepare all the equipment and ingredients. It didn't take too long. Most of what she needed, she already prepared. Just a gathering sweep of the island and she had all she needed.

Then came the second step: making the cake batter. Penny followed the instructions on the article extensively, right down to the very letter and font. When it asked to preheat the oven, she did so with squinted eyes and heaps of scrutiny. When it asked for chocolate, she made sure there were no more or less crumbs than needed.

"...And that is the sugar done. Now it's time for the baking powder..." Bringing along the container of the stuff, Penny consulted the recipe. "Let's see... 'Next, add one baking powder...'" She blinked. "…Wait, what?"

The android tilted her head in confusion. One baking powder? What did that mean? Was it asking for one teaspoon, one tablespoon, or just one whole spoon? Was it even asking for spoons at all? Was it actually in cups then?

She scratched her head as she tried to wrap her head around it. She checked around the site, and even refreshed it. But no matter what, it was still the way it was – 'one baking powder.'.

Penny looked down at the container in her hands, then to the bowl with the mix behind her as she pondered. Well... it... wouldn't hurt to just add the whole container in, right? After all, it did say 'one', and she was sure the entire package could be considered as 'one'.

Plus, considering it was baking powder, surely the more you add in, the more the cake will taste great. It was baking powder! It had 'baking' in the name! Surely, that was the case…

And so, with her mind made up and confident, Penny made her way back to the mix and promptly dumped the whole package into the mix. The large cloud that followed caused her to cough, and she fanned the floating powder away before continuing on with the mix.

It took roughly half an hour to follow the rest of the recipe, dropping the ingredients into the bowl when asked before stirring and mixing the cake mix. With a mixer, it took much less time than it would with a regular old, non-dust powered whisk.

After a lot of mixing later, Penny grabbed a heart-shaped cake pan and poured the batter in. After which, Penny picked up the pan and carefully made her way over to the oven. The heat from inside quickly puffed out once she opened it, making her back away for a moment before placing the batter inside and closing the oven door.

Standing up, she dusted her hands off and smiled. Now all she needed to do was be patient and wait for forty minutes, after which, all she needed to do was add the chocolate icing, the sprinkles and the cake would be done!

The android hopped up and down and happily clapped her hands. Oh, she couldn't wait until Jaune came home! She could already see him moaning in delight from the cake she made, and the smile he'd make, and how he'd pat her head and tell her she did a good job…

The android sighed wistfully. She could already feel the warmth of his hand on her head…

But alas, she couldn't just go out and bring the cake to him. So, she simply stood before the oven, waiting as it heated the batter up at a rather slow rate.

The android stared… and stared… and stared some more… then sneezed and continued staring some more… then blinked a few times before resuming her staring…

It only took a couple of minutes before the boredom finally got to her, emphasized by a bellowing yawn. The android began looking about the apartment, looking for something to do while waiting on the cake. Her eyes then landed upon the TV in the living room, and the images of rayguns and lasers flashed through her head.

She contemplated with a stroke of her chin. _Hmm… I guess it couldn't hurt to watch some X-ray and Vav while I wait. The cake would likely be done after two episodes._

The android pondered on it more and more, and eventually settled with the idea. With a quick glance back at the oven, Penny skipped her way to the living room and switched the TV on, hopping onto the couch and scrolling through the episodes before finding the one she stopped at. The show's intro played, and Penny's eyes were instantly glued to the screen.

It would only be a couple of episodes. Yup, only a couple of episodes, then it was straight back to the cake.

/=/=/

"Go, X-ray! Yes! Beat that evil scientist into mush! Yeah!" Penny's cheers were booming as the sci-fi-fueled battle in front of her raged on. She had lost track of how many episodes she had watched now, as the currently occurring story arc and the numerous fight scenes had kept her glued to the screen, and any sense of time had been simply lost to her.

But she was certain it had only been a few. It couldn't have been that long…

The android set the thought aside as the episode gradually calmed down, and it was then her nose picked up a faint, yet unusual smell.

With furrowed eyebrows, she sniffed the air around her, and it was then she recognized the smell.

The smell of heat. Massive amounts of it. As if… something was burning…

_Wait, burning?! _Her eyes instantly widened, and she turned around to see a bit of smoke coming from the kitchen.

With a gasp, she jumped off the couch and darted towards the kitchen, sliding to a stop before the oven. The scent of burning cake immediately flooded her nostrils as she pulled the oven door open, the near unbearable heat sending her cooling systems into overdrive. Looking inside, it was absolutely filled with bloated and charred cake. It almost filled the entire oven!

Ignoring the blaring heat, Penny grabbed whatever of the pan she could grip onto and swiftly pulled the burning cake out, dropping it into the sink and turning the oven off. Over to the sink, she twisted the tap and watched as steam rose from the ruined cake, the water reducing it to nothing more than a burnt, soggy pile of mush.

Penny frowned, poking the burnt cake. Great, thanks to her, her efforts had all been for naught. It probably wouldn't have even mattered if she hadn't been distracted, considering how bloated the cake was. She guessed it was the massive amounts of baking powder, but she could have easily screwed up somewhere else.

_I could make another cake..._ But sadly, that wasn't possible. Though she still had enough ingredients on hand, time wasn't something she had a lot of. That cake took a while to make. She was sure Jaune would have been back by the time the cake was out of the oven.

Penny sighed. "Great, what do I do _now?_"

The android wondered. She could always consult the ScrollNet once more, but a browse around Scroogle shut that idea down quick, for every other recipe she stumbled upon were either too long-winded or confusing for her to follow and understand, or were too time-consuming or simply included ingredients she didn't have. A few even had preparation times of upward to two days! That was way out of her time constraint!

What she needed was something easy to make, not too demanding on time, yet still appropriate as an anniversary dish.

But where could she find another recipe like that…?

That was then an idea popped into her head, and she snapped her fingers. "Ruby!"

/=/=/

Penny paced in circles around the kitchen, waiting as her scroll rang. She and Ruby had exchanged scroll numbers way back in Beacon, back when she was still 'weird'. It was mostly so that Ruby could contact her in case she got lost in Vale or she was needed somewhere. But nowadays, it was simply for social purposes, when either one simply just wanted to talk to the other and catch up.

_Please pick up. Please…_ It had been about a minute since she had started trying to call her, and she was getting worried she wasn't going to answer.

She needed Ruby's help _bad_. Unknown to most outside her immediate family and a few of her friends, the weapon-obsessed girl was quite experienced in the kitchen. Some time ago, Penny had been granted the pleasure of tasting Ruby's stir fry, and it was nothing short of delicious! It was probably the most flavorful dish of stir fry she had ever tasted, and she wasn't even quite a huge fan of vegetables back then!

And so, she hoped that Ruby would be kind enough to share some of her knowledge onto her, or at least share a simple recipe Penny could easily follow. She could do that for an old friend, right?

The scroll continued to ring. Eventually, Ruby picked up, the familiar face of her weapon-loving friend appeared on the screen. "_Hello?_"

"Ruby!" The android exclaimed. "I'm glad you picked up!"

"_Penny? Oh, hey, Penny!_" A smile lifted Ruby's lips. She seemed to be sitting by a wall. "_It's been a while. How are you?_"

The android took a seat on the couch. "Oh, I'm well. Listen, I need your help."

"_Help? What for?"_ Her friend asked, tilting her head.

"Uh, well… You know how to cook, right?"

She nodded with vigor. "Mhm, I sure can!"

"Well, I know this is random, but would you mind if I asked if you could share a recipe? Something that's easy to follow and doesn't take a lot of time to make, but can still be presentable, like something that could be served at a restaurant?"

Ruby began stroking her chin, humming in thought. "_Hmm… I think I know a few dishes that could fit what you're saying. Why? What are you doing?_"

"Oh, um, well…" Penny averted her gaze as she scratched her cheek. "It's mine and Jaune's anniversary tonight. And since Jaune's always the one who does something for the two of us, like taking us to one of those fancy restaurants, I figured I should be the one to do so this year. I settled on making him an anniversary dish, but… well…"

"_…You don't know how to cook, huh?_"

The android reluctantly nodded. "Before I called you, I tried making a cake, and… you can guess how that turned out. I was reluctant to calling you at first. I didn't want to randomly call you just to ask for a recipe."

"_Oh, don't worry. I'm glad I could help you!" _Ruby said._ "I mean, it's not every day you get to help someone with their annivers—_"

"_What's this I hear about anniversaries?_" The video blurred as the audio went muffled and crackly for a moment. There were voices and whines amidst the commotion as Penny watched in confusion.

Eventually, the video settled and showed a pair of lilac eyes and blonde hair. "_Oh, hey, it's Penny! It's been a long time since I've seen ya!_"

"_Yang, give it back! Yaaaang!"_

The android perked up at the sight of the brazen blonde. "Oh, hello, Yang!" She greeted. Behind the blonde, Ruby struggled to push through Yang's hand, punching and slapping her hips and arm like a little kid. "It's nice to see you as well!"

"_Yaaang! Give me back my scroll! YANG!"_

"_Rubes, it's very rude to interrupt adults while they're talking, all right?_" Yang said to her sister, which only encouraged more whining and futile punches. She turned back to the scroll. "_So what's this I hear about an anniversary?_"

"Oh, it's mine and Jaune's four-year anniversary tonight!"

"_Really? Well, congrats on four years, Penny!_" Yang said. "_I'm surprised Vomit Boy managed to keep your relationship up for that long. I half-expected you guys to last like… not even a year._"

_Oh, just you wait, Yang. Only the heat death of the universe will separate me and Jaune apart! _Penny grinned at the thought, and thanked the blonde.

"_So, why'd you call—whoa_!" A red blur aimed for the scroll from behind, but Yang managed to bring it out of reach before Ruby could grab it, hooking her cloak with a finger and keeping her in place. "_Why'd you call little Rubes here?_"

"I wanted to ask her if she knew any easy anniversary recipes. I wanted to treat Jaune with a meal since he was always the one who did something during our anniversaries, but… I don't how to cook…"

"_Aw, that's swe—Wait…_" The brazen blonde paused. A small hand tried to grab at the scroll, but height difference prevented it from doing so.

Yang furrowed her eyebrows. "_You don't know how to cook?_"

Penny paused for a moment, then shook her head. "Nope."

The blonde blinked. Incredulous eyes stared at her all the while Ruby's failed attempt to take back her scroll continued in the background.

After a moment's silence, Yang eventually looked away. "_Four years… Four years and Jaune hadn't…? Wow… Wow, way to go, Vomit Boy…_"

Penny was about to question what she had said, but Yang continued before she could. "_Anyway, you were asking for recipes, right? You know, I think I got one you can follow and serve to your oh-so-loving boyfriend._"

The android perked up. "Really?"

A wide, toothy grin split the blonde's face as she sagely nodded. "_Mhm! I call it a 'creampie'!_"

"'Creampie?'" Penny repeated, tilting her head. She'd never heard of that kind of pie before.

"_Yup! It's a variation of pie that's filled lots and lots of __**warm**__ and __**delicious**__ cream!_" The blonde said, corners of her grin almost reaching her ears. "_It's very easy to make, and I'm sure as soon as Jaune gets a taste of it, he'd go __**moa**__—Hey!_"

The video blurred and spun around as Ruby got ahold of her scroll again, the camera facing to a random part of the room. "_Go! Get the heck out of here! You're not allowed in until I'm done talking to Penny, Yang!" _Ruby yelled as she seemingly shoved the brazen blonde out.

_ "Oh, come on, Rubes! I was just having fu—" _The sound of a door slam instantly cut the blonde off. There was an annoyed huff from Ruby, who made her way back to where she first sat.

Penny could practically see the steam puffing out from her red ears once the camera pointed back to her. Ruby took a deep breath, then exhaled, calming herself down as her fluster slowly faded away. "_Sorry about Yang. We're in Patch visiting our dad and Uncle Qrow, which means we have to share a room again, which also means I have to deal with her annoying antics every single day we're here."_

Penny nodded in understanding, feeling quite pitiful for her old friend. As much as Yang was one of her many friends, and she adored all of her friends, she could be quite… bothersome at times. She couldn't imagine sleeping and staying in the same room with only the blonde as company without feeling a little irked.

_Best of luck to you, Ruby._

The weapon-loving girl took a moment to fully gather herself before continuing, "_Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, recipe! Let's see… recipe, recipe, recipe…_" Ruby's eyes drifted upwards as she pondered. "_Um… oh! I got one! My special chocolate chip cookies!_"

"Chocolate chip cookies?"

"_Mhm! They are like, the most delicious and tasty dessert ever! Well, at least that's what Uncle Qrow said…_" Ruby continued, "_And not only that, they're really easy to make! It only takes like… ten minutes or so to make the cookie dough, then a couple more to bake them!_"

"Can they be for anniversaries?"

Ruby shrugged. "_I think so. I mean, Uncle Qrow's always happy when I give him cookies on his birthday. So, it should work on Jaune too!_"

Penny considered the idea. It seemed sensical. If Ruby's uncle liked her recipe, then she was certain Jaune would like the recipe as well. Not only that, it was a dessert, so it was appropriate. Cake was considered a dessert, and it was supposedly suitable for an anniversary. Going by that logic, cookies were fitting too!

It was perfect!

With that, Penny agreed with a nod, "All right, cookies it is! What do I need?"

A smile appeared on Ruby's face, and she began listing off the ingredients, "_All you need is a cup of butter, two large eggs, three cups of…_"

/=/=/

With cautious hands, Penny transferred the now cooled-down cookies from the pan and onto a plate, her oven-mitted hand maneuvering the pair of tongs as she did so. It took a few long seconds, but once all cookies were transferred over, Penny smiled victoriously at the plate in her hands as she walked over to the kitchen island and placed it down right next to the sea of kitchenware.

Just like Ruby had said, it was as easy as giving candy to a baby. Luckily, she had just enough ingredients she listed off. Most of it, she needed to decipher by herself as Ruby had been in a hurry – something about sparring with her uncle again that had her excited – but thankfully, it hadn't been too hard.

And it only took around twenty minutes, as well. But unlike with the cake, she had the sense to set up an alarm on her scroll so she wouldn't get distracted and lose track of time. She even went as far as to sit by the oven this time.

Now, it seemed like everything went out pretty okay if she had to say so herself! No over-estimations, no accidentally burning something, and on top of that, the cookies looked absolutely fantastic!

She took off her oven mittens and dusted her hands. "That went by more smoothly than I had first expected." The android said, proudly standing before her creation. The now room temperature cookies had a rich, golden color to them, like the type of color you would see in heavily-edited images from food articles. Coupled with the numerous chocolate chips embedded into them, they looked absolutely scrumptious!

An amused huff. "They look so delicious, I feel like I could just eat them right here and then."

She continued staring down at the plate of cookies as the thought ran through her head. She wasn't joking – those cookies did look delicious. That alluring, rich color and texture… Those chocolate chips that she could almost taste just by looking at them… The crunch as she slowly bit down on one of those delicious…

Her mouth was practically discharging digestion fluids as the thoughts of cookies continued running through her head. Her fingers twitched, aching to grab a cookie.

_Well… I… I guess it couldn't… hurt to get a taste of it. A taste test of sorts._ She gulped. _I mean, there are a lot of cookies here, after all._

Her hand reluctantly reached for a cookie and picked it up. Putting the tasty-looking dessert up to her face, the warm, recently-taken-out-of-an-oven aroma tingled her smell receptors delightfully. The amount of digestion fluid only increased from that moment.

But Penny's face contorted in reluctance, pushing the cookie away. No, she shouldn't be eating this! She shouldn't be eating something she _specifically_ made for her boyfriend! It was for Jaune, and for Jaune only to taste its sweet… crumbly texture… and those… chocolate chips…

Her hand unconsciously drifted back towards her face, and her lips thinned to a line as she contemplated. The war between the choice of not eating the cookie and chomping it straight down raged on in her head, the winner of the battle constantly changing every second.

However, as soon as she got another sniff of that wonderful aroma, one side gradually triumphed another, and the cookie slowly made its way closer to her lips.

Within a single bite, the winner of her mental battle had been declared.

The taste promptly exploded in her mouth as soon Penny started chewing, sending her into food-induced euphoria. She almost moaned from the savory treat. The android took another bite on the cookie before she even knew it, happily crunching the treat faster than before, but still slow enough as to savor the cookie and let the taste linger.

Then she took another munch, and then another, and then another, until eventually, all that was left of the cookie were the loose crumbs near her mouth and on her fingers.

Swallowing the last bits of the treat, Penny sighed in delight. That was a good cookie. A very good one, indeed. Though food served no practical purpose to the android, she could always admire their flavor with her taste receptors (thank you, Professor), and Ruby's cookie recipe was out of this world! A definite step up from her stir fry, she could tell you that much.

Now that she was back down from food nirvana, Penny clapped the crumbs off her hands. "All right. I've had my fair share of cookies, and the rest is all for Jaune. No more for me! Nope! All Jaune! All these cookies are now for him, not me! Mhm!"

She took a peek down at the plate of cookies, and almost instantly, digestion fluids began flooding her mouth once again. Her smile strained to keep itself up and closed, all the while her taste receptors craved and begged for more.

"…M-Maybe… Maybe one more couldn't hurt..." She couldn't find the strength to stop herself from picking up another one. "There would still be a lot left…"

This time, there was no contemplative competition anymore. As soon as she brought the cookie up to her face, a chunk of it was instantly chomped off. Like before, the deliciousness exploded in her mouth, sending her eyes rolling to the back of her head. She chewed and chewed and chewed, the chain of cookie-induced delectation continuing on until eventually, it met the same fate as the cookie before it, disappearing down her artificial stomach to never be seen again (or at least in cookie form).

Penny sighed in joy once again. "Ah, that was another good cookie. And the last one I'll ever eat for tonight! For sure!"

Silence wafted through the kitchen as Penny stood with confidence, self-assured that no more cookies shall be eaten by her for tonight…

Yes, that was absolutely concrete…

…

…Before the android even knew it, she found herself munching on another cookie yet again, her taste receptors delighted to the highest degree. Then she found herself munching on another… then another… and then another… and then a _few_ more…

Minutes passed of munching and savoring, and Penny finished off another cookie, popping the last chunk of it into her mouth before gulping it down. She licked her fingers of crumbs and sighed in satisfaction. "Ah, those were good. Really really really good. Absolutely the best cookies on Remnant, no doubt!"

She wiped the excess crumbs off her mouth. "All right, I'm sure, no, I'm _absolutely certain_ that would be the last time! The _last _time! No more cookies for me! The rest are now all Jau—"

The words died in her mouth as soon as her eyes landed on the plate in front of her, now barren of cookies. All that was left were small crumbs and a single chocolate chip, which was now being carried by away by a pair of ants, likely to take back to their home.

Penny blinked. _Oh…_

She paused, her body near motionless as she simply stared down the cookie plate. No, it was just a regular plate now. No cookies. Just crumbs of it left, and a few hungry ants.

All thanks to her…

She released a sigh of frustration – frustration in herself – as she threw her arms in the air. For a while, her self-berating words were all that filled the kitchen's air.

Looks like Ruby's cookie recipe was a little _too_ good.

/=/=/

After the whole cookie incident, Penny hadn't had a lot of time left in her hands, all of it flowing freely through crevices like sand. The shattered moon was nearing its peak, and although Jaune was oddly late, she couldn't trust him to stay tardy.

She needed to make _something_, and _fast_. But due to most of the ingredients she had being wasted on failed and eaten creations, her options were limited. _Very_ limited. She couldn't just call Ruby again, as she was sure she was still busy sparring. On top of that, every recipe she managed to find on the ScrollNet were still out of her reach. She couldn't even make something as simple as a pasta or a muffin anymore!

Penny was in a bubble that was on the verge of bursting, and it seemed like her attempt at an anniversary meal for her boyfriend was on a one-way bullhead to failure...

…Until she found Jaune's notebook.

During her frantic bustling to find something to make, Penny stumbled upon one of Jaune's notebooks inside a drawer. At first, she thought nothing of the notebook, thinking Jaune must have just misplaced it. But as soon as she picked it up and made to put it back in their bedroom along with his other notebooks, a page flew out before she could even take a step.

A page containing the recipe for a simple omelette.

From that moment forward, the notebook was all but forgotten as she picked up the note, thanking Jaune and the stars as she read through it. Not only was it simple and quick, she was also lucky enough to have all the ingredients needed for it left. Just a couple of eggs, water, salt and pepper, butter and some shredded cheese was all it asked for.

And so, she went to work as fast as she could, beating the eggs, water, salt and pepper in a bowl and buttering up the pan with the speed of a procrastinator in the last minute. As she bustled about the kitchen, pans, pots and all sorts of silverware tumbled around and clanged to the floor. Other times, she would've placed them back in their place. But the fact that Jaune could come through the front door any second now muffled all thoughts of cleanliness, and the kitchenware were all but left abandoned for now.

With hasty carefulness, Penny poured the egg mixture onto the buttered pan with the help of a spatula. The mixture sizzled as soon as it hit the pan, filling the kitchen with a fine scent.

She let the eggs cook for a moment as she consulted the page behind her. Looks like all she needed to do now was to make sure every part of the omelette's cooked properly. Then she'd drop the cheese in once the top surface is properly cooked, flip the omelette in half, place it on a plate and she was done!

She read through the recipe a few more times just to make sure before turning back to the stove. An omelette may be not as spectacular as, say, chocolate cake. But without any other option, this was more than all right for her.

She just hoped Jaune would like it.

_All right, just keep pushing the edges towards the center and it should be—_

Her thoughts ceased instantly as she felt something drop onto her head.

_Uh… _Though her hair was (thankfully) in between her and whatever that thing was, she could tell it was small, and it definitely had hair or fur all over it. Kind of like a misshapen, tiny ball, only that ball had tiny hairs all over it.

If that thing on her head had been anything else, then she would have just shrugged this moment off and label it as 'something that happened'. She would grab whatever was on her head and simply put it on the floor and leave it be, or out of the apartment if she thought it would continue to impede in her task. That would have been much less complicated, very much so.

But, since life could be cruel sometimes, even to an android, such wasn't the case here.

No, because she could recognize that dreaded feeling of six, hairy legs crawling through her hair even if her touch receptors crashed.

Her eyes shook, her mouth reduced to a thin line. Her robotic body ceased almost all movement as those dastardly legs continued to stalk through her hair, each step painfully slow.

She wanted to scream, to frantically flail her arms about and run far away from that cruel creature. But her limbs, locked at the joints from overwhelming fear, preventing her from doing so, and she could only do nothing but wait as the horrid thing co—

The spider's horrifying face popped into her vision from above.

"AHHHH!" Penny promptly screamed with a pitch so high, it could break glass. Her body reacted accordingly as she slapped the arachnid away from her face, her back hitting the kitchen island as she backed away. However, since it seemingly hung from a line of web, the spider hadn't hurled to the floor as she had hoped, and instead swung through the air and landed on top of the fridge.

Her defensive measures kicked into overdrive and her mechanical backpack let loose a few swords. But she stopped herself from throwing them in time, her processors flashing to the massive costs in damages they could entail. So as her swords flew back to her backpack, she resorted to throwing random kitchenware at the spider instead.

Unfortunately for the android, the spider was as quick as Ruby, jumping and swinging around everywhere, dodging each and every kitchenware Penny threw. _Clangs_ and _tings _were all that filled the apartment as the android tried her hardest to defeat that nightmarish little thing, not caring what she threw, as long as it could _kill_.

She threw yet another spoon at the spider, which once again launched from its place on a cupboard and dodged the utensil, making it hit the wood and drop to the floor uselessly. The spider swung through the air from its web once again, and Penny watched and followed as it landed…

…This time, right in front of the omelette she had been cooking.

The two mortal enemies stood each other off. Spoons and tongs and all sorts of kitchenware laid scattered across the kitchen. Tensions were as high as the shattered moon at midnight.

Penny kept her place near the kitchen island, staring down at the arachnid with fearful yet harmful-intent-filled eyes. The spider, though featureless, seemed to taunt her. Toying with her, as if it knew it was one of her biggest fears.

She couldn't deny that.

The spider shifted its legs about, seemingly getting ready to pounce at her. Penny's eyes widened at its intention, and she began reaching her hand behind her for anything to throw at it. Another pan, a fork, anything!

But her luck seemed to be running out, as all her hand could feel was the ceramic of the countertop. She was running out of things to throw.

The spider lowered its hairy body in a crouch, getting ready to launch itself. Penny panicked and began frantically feeling around the barren ceramic, hoping to find _something_ she could throw.

And then, her hopes were recognized as her fingers felt the smooth glass of a bottle. Without any thought, she promptly reached for and grabbed it, then immediately threw it at the spider.

Time seemed to slow down, however, as Penny watched the bottle slowly fly through the air. And as soon as she saw the yellow, thick liquid that sloshed around inside, she immediately realized just what she threw.

A bottle of cooking oil, aiming straight for the still cooking omelette.

With wide eyes, Penny went to dive for the bottle, but it was too late. The spider dodged the incoming glass, which promptly smashed against the flame under the pan.

A huge burst of flame instantly roared to life, sending Penny rearing back towards the island as she shielded her face with her arms. The heat was intense as Penny brought her arms down, her eyes widening in horror at the massive flame in front of her, its fiery tips reaching the wooden cupboard above.

She panicked. "Oh, gosh! Ohgoshohgoshohgosh!"

The android frantically searched around for anything to kill the fire with. Her eyes landed upon a pot on the floor, and she immediately picked it up. Perhaps she could fill it to the brim with water, and douse the fire that way!

_Gah! Too hot!_ However, her plan failed before it even began as the flame roared and enlarged, blocking her way to the sink and sending her rearing back.

Penny looked up and noticed the cupboard above already catching fire, which only helped grow her panic. She could already feel herself melting as her cooling system tried its hardest to keep her cool.

She needed to put the fire out _fast_. Ditching the pot, her eyes darted around for anything else she could use.

Then an idea popped into her head.

Blankets! She could suffocate the fire with their blanket! Wasting no time, Penny dashed towards their bedroom and grabbed the blanket off their bed. Blackening smoke was beginning to flood the apartment, sending the smoke detector blaring as she sprinted her way back to the flaming kitchen.

The android spread the large cloth out and, trying her best to endure the intense heat, and began patting the fire with it.

But unfortunately, her efforts only made matters worse as the blanket immediately caught on fire. With a gasp, Penny could do nothing but abandon that plan and quickly step out of the kitchen area.

The android looked at the rising flames in horror. _Oh, this is bad! This is incredibly bad! What do I do? Our kitchen is going to burn down, then our whole apartment, then the whole building, and—_

The front door opened.

_Oh, no…_

Like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, Penny slowly turned around, and immediately paled at the sight of her boyfriend.

"Penny, I'm home!" Jaune exclaimed as he closed the door, his back turned towards her. "Sorry I took a while longer. I kind of missed the bullhead back ho—OH, GODS!"

Jaune jumped with wide eyes at the sight of the roaring fire behind her. Penny could only smile in muted fear and wave. "Hi, Jaune! G-Glad to see you're home!"

The blonde said nothing in return as he stared at the flames with horror. Seemingly regaining his senses, he dashed back outside, leaving the front door swinging wide open. It only took a second before Jaune sprinted right back in, carrying with him a fire extinguisher.

He sprinted past Penny and to the kitchen. Ripping the black zip tie off and pulling the pin, Jaune pointed the nozzle to the fire and squeezed the handles. Powered ice dust sprayed everywhere as the blonde aimed the nozzle at every single bit of flame there was, thin layers of sparkly, harmless ice replacing where they once stood.

A minute of extinguishing later, and the fire was no more, now nothing but thin, lingering smoke. The smoke detector was still blaring its warning sound, but the smoke slowly dissipated, and it would only be a matter of time before it was completely gone.

Standing in the middle of a charred, ice-covered kitchen, Jaune panted. Penny stood just outside the area, watching him with shaky eyes. Apprehension filled her to the very top of her head, and as Jaune slowly turned to look at her with a blank face she couldn't read, her apprehension overflowed.

_Uh oh…_

/=/=/

Sitting on the couch, Penny's fingers fiddled on her now apron-bare lap, ashamed green eyes staring down at the coffee table in front of her. It had been a short while since Jaune had gotten home. After taking care of the fire, he had requested the android to stay put in the living room while he talked with their landlord outside, no doubt about her almost setting their apartment on fire.

It had been around three minutes since that started. She could still hear their muffled voices outside, and judging by how loud their landlord was, he was _not_ happy.

Penny could only sigh and burrow her head further into her shoulders.

Their conversation eventually ended, and she could hear the front door gently open. Penny didn't need to take a look to know who it was, his presence only increasing her want to lock herself in a room and hide away for a long time.

At the top of her peripheral, Jaune walked into the living room, stopping right across the coffee table. She could feel his disappointed eyes staring down the top of her head, and she didn't dare to look back up at them.

A few seconds later, Jaune sighed, and he sat down on the floor. Penny only continued to push the effort of avoiding his eyes.

"Well, I talked to the landlord." Jaune started. "I was able to talk him out of giving us the boot, but we have to pay him a huge chunk of lien for the damages. Lucky we still have enough in the bank, though it's going to set us back a bit, which means we can't spend too much lien for a long while."

If Penny could bury her head into her shoulders even further, then what he said would have her head completely burrowed at this point. It was good that they hadn't been outright kicked out, but at what cost? She had basically burned a huge chunk of their lien. Lien that they've earned. Lien that Jaune had worked hard to gather, now nothing but metaphorical ashes.

All because of her.

Tears began welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry…"

She could still feel his eyes on her as Jaune sat in silence. Then a moment later, he let out a sigh. "You know, I probably should be mad at you. No, scratch that, I _definitely_ should be. I mean, you nearly burned this whole apartment down and cost us a lot lien. Those are completely valid reasons for me to be angry. But…" He paused. "I just can't find myself to."

It took a few seconds for Penny to find her voice, and even longer to find the courage to look up at him. "H-Huh? S-So, wait... you're not… mad at me…?"

The blonde first shook his head, but then contorted his face in contemplation. "Eh… To be honest, a little bit. I mean, no normal person would _not _be a bit bothered by something like this." He gestured to the charred up kitchen. "But I'm not mad to the point where I want to yell at you all night or… do something _much_ worse than just yelling. So…"

Jaune trailed off, looking away and scratching his cheek. But his words were just enough to diminish Penny's discomfiture. He wasn't mad, at least not so much. The fact had her sighing in relief.

The blonde continued. "Plus, I can't pin all of the blame on you. I shouldn't have left you alone here when I well knew something like the kitchen nearly burning down would happen. Yet I did it anyway, so I guess part of the fault's on me." He rubbed the back of his neck. "N-Not to say that I don't trust you being by yourself and… you know, I… N-No offense."

"None taken." She said. "I have to admit you're right. Considering the past two incidents – including this one – I'm certain _no one _would trust me in being by myself. Heck, at this point, I wouldn't even trust _myself_."

"Yeah. You can be a literal fire hazard if left alone." He chuckled, and Penny couldn't help but join in.

Jaune then continued on, "Anyway, what exactly were you doing while I was gone?"

The inevitable question sent Penny's face flushing in embarrassment. "Well… I… wanted to cook you a meal. You were always the one doing something for our anniversaries. So, I thought I could surprise you with a meal I made this year." She threw her thumb to the kitchen. "And look how that turned out."

Jaune simply stared with a face she couldn't quite figure out, which only made her even more embarrassed than she already was. However, that embarrassment was quickly replaced by confusion when Jaune weakly chuckled to himself.

"Well, I guess that's one more fault under my belt…"

"Huh?"

"I mean, come on. Four years, Penny. Four years and I haven't taught you anything about cooking. I must either the laziest or the most forgetful man on Remnant. Gods, I really hope Yang doesn't hear about this. She would never let me live it down..." He continued, "But nonetheless, thanks. It was very sweet of you to try to do something for me, even though it didn't work out so well. But you did it because you wanted me to be happy instead of the other way around, and for that, thanks."

Penny blinked, taking his words in before a grin slowly lifted her lips.

Even though she had nothing to show for it, Jaune was still thankful.

He was still happy.

She couldn't help but welcome the warmth in her chest.

Penny opened her mouth to say something, but Jaune beat her to it. "Oh, and before I forget, here…"

The android watched as Jaune dug a hand into his pocket. She was about to ask what he was doing when he pulled out a velvet, heart-shaped box the size of his hand, a pretty ribbon wrapped around it.

"All right, I'm going to admit that I lied when I said I was going to help Ren and Nora. Heck, they don't even live anywhere near Atlas…" He then gestured to the box. "Instead, I went out and got you this. Think of it as a token of gratitude sort of thing."

Penny stared quizzically at the box for a moment before taking it in her hands. It felt light, and shaking it, there was something inside. When Jaune urged her to open it, she did so, unwrapping the ribbon with delicate hands before placing it down on the coffee table.

Once she opened the box, her eyes sparkled, and she picked up the item inside.

A silver necklace, with a refined chunk of emerald hanging from the chain.

Penny couldn't help but stare at the piece of jewelry in awe. It was beautiful! The way it shined and sparkled under the light, how the gem looked so mesmerizing. She never found why people liked jewelry so much before when it served no practical purpose before.

But as her green eyes twinkled from the emerald light, she now knew why.

"Jaune, this is beautiful…" Penny muttered. "How did you get this?"

He shrugged. "I was saving some lien the past few weeks in order to afford it and give it to you tonight, as your anniversary gift." He smiled. "And it looks like the money was well spent."

_Money well spent, indeed._

The blonde seemed to want to say something, but Penny quickly cut him off as she pounced him into a hug. Jaune yelped and nearly fell to the floor, but he was able to catch himself with a hand to the floor.

"Thank you so much!" Penny said as she squeezed him. "You're the best boyfriend in the entirety of Remnant!"

Jaune chuckled, returning the hug. "You're welcome. And hey, how about you stick to fighting Grimm on the job while I'm the one who mainly cooks and does the house chores? You're clearly better at slaying them than me."

"Don't worry, Jaune. I'll make sure to crush those shadowy fiends and those contracts, and I won't stop until I made back all the lien we've lost and then some!"

His smile widened even more as he hugged her once more, kissing her on the cheek. "Happy anniversary, Penny."

Penny felt his lips on her cheek for a moment, before smiling and returning his hug. "Happy anniversary, Jaune." She said, feeling the warmth of the man in her arms. Sure, she may not be the best girlfriend a man could ask for. She was far from perfect, they knew that. But as long as Jaune could see past her scratches and flaws and still love her, she could care less for that.

She snuggled closer into his warmth and sighed happily. _What did I do to have someone like you?_

And so, the couple of now four years sat in the middle of the living room, spending their anniversary close to one another. No nights to a fancy restaurant were needed, nor was a single dish tailored for anniversaries ever eaten. Just two people who love each other spending their time together.

And to the two of them, all was well…

…

…

"…Say, have you seen my notebook anywhere? The one that has all my recipes and stuff? I've been looking for it everywhere but I couldn't find it."

Penny's eyes widened. Well… not all of it.

THE END


End file.
